JUNE 2008 - FRIENDS WITH MONEY
Q: Last year I reignited a friendship with two sisters who I have known since childhood but had lost touch with. We had all moved to London at the same time and became really friendly. We spent six months living in each other’s pockets, going to dinner, partying together and even going on holiday together. Recently things became rather strange. It started with the sisters slowly pulling away and cancelling arrangements until it got to a stage where I simply didn’t know where I stood as we had gone from being really close to really distant. When I confronted them they said they had only befriended me as they felt sorry for me and they hadn’t expected that six months down the line for me to be hanging out with them all the time. I am really upset and on top of that I feel really used as I would often pick up the bar bill or dinner for all of us and I even covered the costs of the flights and accommodation for them on the last holiday we went on as they had cash flow issues. They promised to pay me back as soon as they got their student loans but since our falling out they aren’t even answering any of my texts or emails about it. It is a fair amount of money (around £2,000) and I want it back not so much because I need it but because of the principle involved.
A: Mark Twain once said “the holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money”
I don’t think this is always the case but I definitely think mixing business with pleasure is tricky. Essentially by borrowing money or lending money to a friend with promises being offered as to repayment you are forming some type of contract with them and doing ‘business’ with them however unofficial it may seem. There may not be a watertight contract in place but such a scenario has consequences for all involved. Namely that an obligation (both legal and moral) arises for the person borrowing the money to repay it and the right arises for the person lending the money to ask for it to be repaid.
In such circumstances where you are your friends have had a falling out it is even more awkward as I can understand you not wanting to chase them for it as you may be perceived as using it to contact them over the fall out. However irrespective of that you have a right to ask for repayment of the money you lent them and they have an obligation to answer your emails or texts and let you know when you can expect payment. Unfortunately in relation to to the bar and dinner bills you picked up I don’t feel you have much chance of reclaiming these monies. Generosity is a wonderful trait but there is also such a thing as being generous to a fault.
You have a few options to recover the funds. You could choose to issue proceedings (in the County Court due to the amount in question) or you could issue a statutory demand against one or both sisters. The consequences of non payment of a statutory demand is bankruptcy. Sending them a statutory demand along with a letter explaining the consequences of non payment should get their attention, although it may not do much for repairing your friendship (if indeed that is still a possibility).
You don’t say how long the money has been outstanding or what arrangements had been in place for repayment when you were all on good terms. Either way I would let the dust settle for a while until emotions are less wraught. Then I would write them a letter (letters are much more effective than eemails or texts as for some reason people find them harder to ignore). Set out the facts in this letter of the loan arrangement and how long repayment has been overdue. Explain that irrespective of your friendship they have a legal obligation to repay you and you have a legal right to seek such repayment from them. Perhaps say that you do not want things to go down a legal route but you are prepared to take such action if they do not fulfil their obligation to repay you. Make sure you keep the tone of the letter civil, do not bring in any emotions about your flagging friendship as the two matters are separate and there is little to be gained at this point by being anything other than factual and civil in any correspondence.
I suspect that once they are calmer and receive a polite, factual letter asking them for repayment and making clear their legal/financial obligations they will contact you in order to come to some arrangement. Good luck!
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