Q:My ex boyfriend is in a band and has written a song which doesn’t actually name me but is all about me and our relationship. We had quite a bad break up and he is quite bitter about the fact that I no longer wanted to be with him. Its a pretty harsh song which refers to the fact that I have had a few abortions (one with him) and that my first child is actually number five rather than my first. The references are all very personal and cruel and I know what each one means and am concerned that others in our social group will too even though he doesn’t actually name me. He is like a man on a mission to trash my name as he is so angry and bitter about our break up and the fact that I have moved on to have a baby with Mr Right and don’t look back at the disaster that was our relationship. It is as though through his actions he is forcing me to think about him and the past. What can I do?

A: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me” so the saying goes. Unfortunately the reality is that anyone who is on the receiving end of a disparaging personal attack (particularly from someone with whom they used to be involved in an intimate relationship with) will attest that whilst they didn’t necessarily break their bones as a result it did cause a great deal of pain and upset.

Using the law of defamation you can sue someone for their defamatory speak about you whether it is in print (libel) or in the spoken word (slander). Defamation law does not necessarily require the victim to be named in order for them to pursue an action. However the victim must be easily identifiable from the words printed or spoken. With very famous individuals this can be easy to prove as they already have an established public profile. An article disparaging a certain person in the public eye yet failing to name them can be actionable as readers across the country may review the article and work out who the mysterious individual is as a result of descriptive background information on them in the article. You mention that you have friends in common and share the same social group and are concerned that others in this group may realise his song (s) are about you and have their opinion of you lowered. In such circumstances it is possible that whilst you have not been named you are identifiable for the purposes of defamation law, however pursuing any action would involve establishing these same mutual friends recognised the song (s) were about you and had a lower opinion of you as a result.

You mention that your ex not only makes disparaging comments about you but also makes reference to highly private medical information - the abortions. Such information is in my view protected by the law of confidence. You could not take action against him under the law of defamation for his references to these abortions as they did occur and therefore he would be able to defend any action. However he has no right to refer to this sensitive, private medical information so publicly without your consent. Your redress in this situation would be to use the law of privacy and confidence to obtain an injunction against him repeating these lyrics which refer to you. You could also potentially obtain damages from him to compensate you for the distress and suffering caused to you as a result of the breach of such sensitive, private information.

Whilst you do have potential causes of action in both the law of defamation and the law of confidence I don’t believe either cause of action will be straightforward due to the specific facts of your situation. Ultimately by pursuing either you may find that you bring yourself alot more stress and upset for little or no gain. Sometimes the law as we know it is not the answer to our problems and instead it is the laws of the universe that we should turn to. A well established law of the universe is the law of attraction, simply that what we focus on most, be it good or bad, is what we bring into our lives. You have clearly moved on from your previous relationship and now have a child with the right person. Your ex’s antics are merely dragging you back into a past that by your own admission was not a happy place. Perhaps it is time to shrug off his petty, bitter antics and instead focus on your baby, partner and a happy future. I wish you well.
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